2025

01/01/2025 morning/afternoon

wahooo it's the new yearrr okay actually im not looking forward to what the cunt presedent going back at the white house, but... idk for some strange reason I don't feel constant despair? Like I did with those previous years when I was an "adult" where I didn't feel stable enough to even talk to people (I did something very bad) (Also I was having panic attacks because of constant verbal fighting with the stupid fucking cunt of a man but I would rather put a gun in my mouth than talk to him again. really sounds like im exatterating but man if you lived with him you'd think he's a fuckin creepy narc looollll/neg he IS.) and would be damn sad to stay in this house once again.

Okay enough w the ranting ermmmm I'm thinking of making a comic!! horray. I have like, 3-4 comic ideas I have for uhh I think since I WAS 17, starting with 8 kids going to a sped class together, and then 4 kids having a life in the foster system (I actually havr a title for this. It's called Kid Culture. I am so swag with names cool emoji), and then uhh 2 boys kids going through school trying to dismantle what other people think of them and thier unqunie relationship(s) (It's more like going through childhood not knowing what to describe your own identity with other kids who don't understand...I plan to make it very queer and gay basically.), and then Hollys backstory. This is the most comic idea that I have the most visions over. I feel i'm going to fuck it up somehow god be damn tho, I feel pretty pumped up doing that kind of THING, all I need to do is decide which canvus size should I make it in... good chance it might be possible since my tablet goes haywire if I use a canvus size that is over 2300 pixels, but Ill try. It's gotten me here by trying to get through highschool, that overwhelming shit fucking enviroment/srs seriously I had to brace myself for loud bullshit everytime I walk out the damn hallway and for huddling overcrowdedly with a mix of shit ass smells hhhhrrfff I had calm moments here in there, but it was not enough for the realizations I would have at 20-gonnt-be-21-in-a-few-days me. ... there's like other ideas I have in store but maybe I'll link it on my index blog...somehow.

let's just say I had another fractured personality called "chill guy"... along with the fractured personalities/fragments I had since childhood. hmmfff

uhh for new years we had a small dinner. I gave a korean snack I got from mah package (ii order a bos of asian snacks before the new years misnight strucked, coincedentialy) I remember it was mango flavored I texted my father and my lil cousin happy new year, despite beingn discontent with the new year. Mw and her talked about sad anime, and yaknow while typing this, I think she's doing the same thing when I was a... 5th grader. I think. I was trying to make myself sad by watching Clanned (i found it in a "top ten saddet anime" list on the internet) Kinda weird how the cycle continues. Maybe if I told her I liked sad/morbid stuff she wouldn't have that desire to do that, :( I'm worried abt her sometimes guessing about her life. Espacially her school...well more like schools in general, those are painful to get through because of bullies and noises. I wonder if it gets overwhelming enough that she starts skipping classes like I did? I mean girl isn't my daughter, she has some remments of her mothers personality (i honest to god she won't consider that a compliment, but ub anyway)

uhm I just realized this is mostly about otehr ppl huh. Oh well.

it's been a week ago since TPTM ending and like.... i'm kind of sad about that, menencholic even. I sear to fucking god i type with a tinge of suspected humor in it like im about to say somethin funny but it's not!!! I WAS sad for a few days finding out about it ending, it's been a journy tho. I found out about this ablbum before Choco box girl realesed and WOW I didn't think I heard about Disposable girl b4 until i came across a remix of it I listened to again. My memory is funky af sometimes loollll. Me and Nataana r swag and chill I wanna hug her, I wish she was real aaahhhrrr what else. uhhh I guess that is it?? until another thought comes to mind-

peace.

2024

12/26/2024 near afternoon aka 11:00 something am

I am bored, listening to breakcore fills the calm void that is mah soul ^-^ My cousin was upset that i had to whisk her away to sleep since she had to go back home preassumenly so does my other cousin
what else ugghhh mmmm Oh. I got 150$ from him so like okay I guess. I with rather want 300 XP

12/25/2024 morning

hey. I made this. finally jfc I literally had to relearn/reremember code to do it... also look! a weird scrollbar thing im doing!! I hope this kind of thing works. I'm hungary XP.